Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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