I am puke
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
