Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
