I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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