god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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