I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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