I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
