Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
