Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
