he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
