Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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