I wish you could order shots online.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
