My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
