I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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