You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
