the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You ate ashes out of my bong
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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