So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
