Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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