do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
All the doctor said was why
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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