It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she peed on how many people?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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