My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
