Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
