There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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