One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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