so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
