i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
