I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
