so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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