woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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