You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
