He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
