I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just blew my weed a kiss
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
