my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
