Got a toothbrush?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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