the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
