im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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