I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
