Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
