I swear god or herbie drove my car home
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You pole danced in your parka.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
