Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I intend to get homeless drunk

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(510): View more from California

I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting

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(206): View more from Washington

This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate

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(661): View more from California

I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight

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(207): View more from Maine

Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????

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(228): View more from Mississippi

I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?

(601): View more from Mississippi

probably "functioning vagina, must touch"

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it

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