I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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