I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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