I'm really into asian looking animals
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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