Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
