i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize