Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
of course. lets lasso hookers.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
