He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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