I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
