i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
