I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
