just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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