There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude i'm inner monologue high
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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