Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
