It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I want to be your penis for a week.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
