Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
