Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
