How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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