You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
