How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
