wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
