OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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