My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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