Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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