Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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