my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
