There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
