Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
