1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
