Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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