I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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