it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
