I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
