Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
