I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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