The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
