I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
