So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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