There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
