Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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