Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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