Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
