my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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