I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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