he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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