I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
