my sisters under your porch take her home
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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