Dual....:-)
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
