Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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