Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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