You made me cry and you don't even care
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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