Dual....:-)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
