eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
