A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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