Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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