a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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